Friday, October 26, 2012

Date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

25 Spectacular Movies You (Probably) Haven’t Seen

Human Traffic

Very unique comedy about the drug/club culture in the UK. Five friends ponder society, drug use and their own lives as they go about their usual weekend of snorting, smoking, popping, dancing and sex.

The Matador

Pierce Brosnan plays an assassin going through a mid-life crisis as he approached retirement. He’s like 007 on a spree of existential questioning. Very funny.

The Good, The Bad, And the Weird

Two comical outlaws and a bounty hunter fight for a treasure map in 1940s Manchuria while being pursued by the Japanese army and Chinese bandits. This movie puts a crazy asian spin on the classic western theme. Extremely entertaining.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

A group of college students go camping for the weekend and, through a series of unlucky events, begin thinking that the harmless Tucker & Dale (pictured above) are trying to kill them. Tucker and Dale in turn think the kids are carrying out a group suicide pact. Hilarity ensues.

New Kids Turbo

An absolutely nutty movie from the Netherlands. Picture the guys from Jackass, minus 50 IQ points, making a movie with a plot. These guys take matters into their own hands when they lose their jobs and aren’t paid ‘enough’ unemployment from their government.

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang

KKBB is a murder-comedy (?) with the epic cast of Val Kilmer as a private-eye and Robert Downey Jr. as thief pretending to be an actor to seduce the beautiful Michelle Monaghan, who is actually an actress.

Big Trouble

Big Trouble is one of those movies where all of these different people end up intertwined at the end of the movie. It’s has Tim Allen, ‘Puddy’ from Seinfeld, and it’s freaking funny. Enough said.

Once Upon A Time In The West

This is the most EPIC western film of all time. Even if westerns aren’t your cup of tea, give this one a chance. A master gunslinger returns to town to take revenge on a foe from his past. He makes Chuck Norris look like a total pussy.


A fascinating and truly unique animated film about a girl growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution. The story follows the girl as she grows up and struggles with her identity as a woman and an Iranian in a modern world.

13 Assassins

Where Once Upon A Time in the West defined ‘epic’ in the western category, 13 Assassins defines it in the martial arts category. As you could have guessed, 13 elite assassins ban together to take out an evil war lord. The final scene is a massive fight within a city the assassins have rigged with booby traps. Can I say epic again?

El Secreto De Sus Ojos

An aging detective takes on an old murder case that was never solved.

The Terminal

Tom Hanks stars as a foreigner from a war-torn country who is forced to live in a U.S. airport terminal until he is granted a green card. Having no money, Hanks comes up with a number of interesting ways to stay fed and comfortable during his stay.

Attack the Block

Aliens are attacking the UK. It’s up to a team of teenage hooligans to fend them off while angry drug dealers and police fail to see the invasion coming. This movie is very similar to ‘Sean of the Dead’ with it’s unique combo of comedy and gore.

Dr. Strangelove (Or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned to Love the Bomb)

The great Stanley Kubrick directs a story about a crazed American general who launches a nuclear missile at Russia during the Cold War and told the bomb squadron to ignore any commands to turn back. Meanwhile the American government races to find a way to fix the situation and prevent global nuclear war.


Downfall chronicles the last few weeks of Hitler’s reign before the end of WWII. His highest ranking officers struggle between blind allegiance and fear as Hitler remains in denial of the impending defeat. Extremely interesting.

Tropic Thunder

A troupe of movie actors are dropped into a war zone that they think is all planned for the movie they’re shooting. Best two parts of the film: Robert Downey Jr. is a method-actor taking on the part of a black man & Tom Cruise shows up unexpectedly. I won’t say anymore…

The Fall

A hospitalized man unfolds a story to a young girl, battling his own demons within the story as he goes. Think Princess Bride, but a whole lot more colorful.

The Invention of Lying

Ricky Gervais lives in a world where no one lies, or even considers lying possible. One day he suddenly realized that he can. Everyone else believes literally everything he says, including that a woman must sleep with him immediately or the world will end. His fibbing is slippery slope that leads Ricky to be the only man on earth who knows what happens when you die (cue religion jabs).


Ryan Gosling is a badass getaway driver (think Transporter) who finds himself falling in love with the married girl next store. He finds himself in trouble when he tries to help her out by driving her husband to a robbery. Amazing soundtrack with a very unique feel overall.

There Will Be Blood

Based on Upton Sinclair’s Oil!, There Will Be Blood tells the story of a small oil tycoon (Daniel Day-Lewis) fights his way to the top of the industry in gold rush era California. The soundtrack, cinematography & dialogue are flat-out AMAZING. I almost didn’t include this one because it’s a well-known academy award winner (Best Actor & Best Cinematography), but it’s too good to not mention.


Joseph Gordon-Levitt pushes his way through the underbelly of his high school to investigate the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend. All of the classic elements of a noir are cleverly translated to the high-school movie format. Is Levitt ever in a bad movie? Think about it…

Hard Candy

This film is not for the light of heart. A young girl takes justice into her own hands by seducing a suspected pedophile online, To Catch a Predator-style. Ellen Page displays a shocking level of maturity and prowess as she unleashes an intensely psychological punishment on the unsuspecting man.

Man On The Moon

Jim Carrey gives his most transformative and most-overlooked performance as the ‘eccentric avant-garde comedian’, Andy Kaufman. He may look like Ace Ventura in this picture, but I assure you Carrey makes this movie a must-see without any of his usual immature humor.

City Island

A dysfunctional family comes together when they take a troubled youth into their home who disturbs their delicate web of inter-familial lies, including a son with a fetish for watching large women eat and a father with the secret dream of playing a gangster on-screen.

Romeo + Juliet

Check out this artsy, modern adaptation of the classic love story. The lines are still in Old English but this film does a wonderful job of visually translating Shakespeare’s cryptic diction while keeping you entertained.

Midnight in Paris

Woody Allen’s latest places starving writer Owen Wilson in Paris with his fiancée, Rachel McAdams. Searching for inspiration for his incomplete novel, Owen begins taking strolls around the city at night where he discovers an unexpected group of people. I wish I could be more specific, but it would ruin the surprise. Know that it is brilliant, witty and full of mystique. 92% on Rotten Tomatoes (RT).

Let the Right One In

The best vampire movie ever made in my opinion. Let the Right One In is a truly unique story about a young boy and his new blood-sucking friend from next door. This film is a heart-warming love story with sprees of gory violence, which the director pulls off brilliantly. To say this movie blows ‘Twilight’ out of the water is a terrible understatement. 98% RT. Note: This film also has an American counterpart called Let Me In that is almost as good.

The Man From Earth

Holy &#%@ this film’s plot is fascinating! A professor gathers his academic friends and confesses that he is a caveman who has been alive since prehistoric times thanks to a gene mutation allowing his cells to replicate without error. This claim is of course met with much skepticism, resulting in some very intriguing  conversation about mortality and the history of mankind.

Garden State

This is my absolute favorite film. Garden State is the story of an actor who goes back to his hometown for his mother’s funeral and starts figuring out what he wants in life. It’s chock-full of quirky humor, funny characters and ruminations on life. Not to mention the soundtrack is phenomenal. I recommend Garden State to every person I talk to about movies and have yet to hear a bad review :)

Waking Life

It’s impossible for you to grasp Waking Life without actually watching it, but I’ll do my best to explain it. The ‘plot’ centers around lucid dreaming with the main character floating around dreamscapes having incredibly interesting conversations with strangers about a variety of topics. Each conversation concerns something I would write about for the Mind-Blowing Concepts category of this site. Plus it’s all presented in trippy animated sequences. See it for free (legally) here:


This film is a rather dark, yet comedic story about the twisted relationships between Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Clive Owen and Julia Roberts. Instead of going with the normal romantic-comedy theme, Closer shows the sinful, deceptive, human side of love and infatuation. If I say anything else, I’ll start to give some of the plot-twists away so just watch it.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Le Scaphendre et le Papillon)

A beautifully shot film from the first-person perspective of Jean-Do (Mathieu Almaric), a man who has everything before he becomes paralyzed in a car accident. After a painstaking recovery in the hospital,  Jean is only able to communicate by blinking his eye. I really can’t fully convey how amazing the cinematography is throughout the film, nor how tragic the story is. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is straight visual art.

Sin Nombre

Sin Nombre is the intense story of a runaway gangster and a young Honduran girl crossing paths en route to illegally enter the United States. The film gives you a detailed look at life in Central America and the conditions under which people travel on their way to the American border. Lots of action, suspense, love, sex and a very climatic ending.


Snatch is Brad Pitt’s lesser known Fight Club, except he’s an ever bigger badass in this film (if that’s possible). The plot twists around gangsters, mobsters and Pitt’s gang of Irish misfits and all of the conflict that ensues. Snatch is rather similar to it’s predecessor, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but provides a fresh spin on the multi-plot, mob-violence theme.

Spirited Away

I’m not big on anime but this movie is awesome. Written and directed by acclaimed director Hayao Miyakzaki, Spirited Away is the story of a young girl whisked away to a kind of ‘spirit resort’ where she must work her way to getting back to her parents. All of the characters are so damn creative and goofy. It’s a bit strange at first, but once you get into groove with this movie, you’ll be hooked.

The Descent

This movie is really, really scary. A group of female spelunkers decides to take a weekend to explore an uncharted abyss they have stumbled upon. Little do they know that there is a race of uber-creepy creatures wandering around looking for food down there. The storyline sounds stupid, but the way the film is shot and how the suspense builds before the creatures are introduced makes for a bone-chilling watch. **Warning: If you plan on exploring any caves in the next few months, do NOT watch this movie.


Once is the story of two musicians that meet by chance and begin to make beautiful music together, and subsequently fall in love. The two actors are actually the duo band, The Swell Season. Honestly you could just listen to the soundtrack of this film and get the gist of the plot, but the plot does add to the meaning of the lyrics.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

Three escaped convicts make their way towards their stowed away riches in a spree of comedy & misfortunes. The three stooges-like trio narrowly escape the law, the KKK and their own impudence in their treasure-driven adventure. This one is laugh-out-loud funny all the way though.

Punch Drunk Love

Paul Thomas Anderson directs Adam Sandler in his most serious and impressive role to date. Adam plays a shy & damaged nobody who runs off with a woman and learns about who he is along the way. This dark humored indie-drama is highly underrated. Check it out!

Boogie Nights

Young Mark Wahlberg plays an up-and-coming porn star in the 70′s and 80′s. Much comedy and drama ensues. 92% on RT.

The Fountain

Your jaw will drop at some point during this film. Hugh Jackman plays a scientist hunting for a cure to his wife’s cancer while, in a separate storyline, he plays out the main character’s role in the book she is writing. The two storylines intertwine in a fantastic way and ends the movie with the most beautiful scene I have witnessed in any film.

The Closet (Le Placard)

Ridiculously funny French film about a man (Daniel Auteuil) who pretends to come out of the closet at work to keep his boss from firing him. Of course this lands him in all sort of funny situations and conversations, etc. Daniel Auteuil can play the most awkward, laughable character, so he really shines in this role.

Mystery Men

Laugh your head off watching a ridiculous group of ‘super heroes’ band together to face mastermind, Casanova Frankenstein (Geoffrey Rush). I think the best way to let you know what is in store is to list of the characters and their respective powers:
Ben Stiller as ‘Mr. Furious’ — Can become extremely angry on command
William H. Macy as ‘The Shoveler’ — Extremely good with a shovel. “Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.”
Hank Azaria as ‘The Blue Raja’ — Can throw forks and spoons (but not so much knives) with pristine accuracy
Kel Mitchel as ‘The Invisible Boy’ — Can become invisible, but only when no one else is looking at him. “When you go invisible, you can just feel it!”
Paul Reubens as ‘Spleen’ — Can fart with the pull of a finger with deadly accuracy thanks to a curse from a gypsy.
Greg Kinnear also appears as ‘Captain Amazing’, the city’s beloved superhero.


Unique, clever & bizarre. These are the words I choose to describe Rubber — a film that follows an animate tired (yes, like on a car) that rolls are blowing things up with its mind. It has some other strange elements to it that I won’t event try to explain here. Just watch it! It will be unlike any other movie you have ever seen, guaranteed.

Kung Fu Hustle

Kung Fu Hustle puts a crazy spin on the classic kung fu film. An unlikely group of heroes, each with bizarre powers (the woman pictured can scream loud enough to kill people) goes up against an axe gang that threatens to overrun their town. Out-of-this-world fight sequences and strange plot twists make this film unlike any other action flick out there. 90% RT


This movie is a trip to say the least. I couldn’t even begin to describe the plot, so I’ll let IMDB do it for me: “An epic mosaic of several interrelated characters in search of happiness, forgiveness, and meaning.” Paul Thomas Anderson directs Julianna Moore, Tom Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman, William H. Macy, John C. Reilly and Philip Hall. The combo is just phenomenal.

12 Angry Men

The only classic film on this list, 12 Angry Men centers around the jury in a murder case in which one man strives to convince the other 11 jurors of the plaintiff’s innocence. It’s like a clever CSI episode from 1957 that also happened to get 100% on RT.

Enter the Void

This one starts off with the protagonist taking a hit of DMT (if you don’t know what that is, get ready for the most interesting Google search in recent memory) and the absolutely beautiful visuals that follow. Soon after, the guy is killed in a drug deal gone bad. We spend the rest of the film watching the after-math of his murder from the perspective of his soul, having now floated out of his body. Meanwhile the other characters reflect on consciousness and mortality in light of their sudden exposure to death.

Cash Back

A confused young man decides to take advantage of his insomnia by getting a late night job at the local 24/7 grocery. There he learns that he can somehow stop time with his mind. Oddly this power has little to do with the plot, which centers mostly around his search for meaning and the girl pictured above. If you like independent movies, you have to give this one a chance.

The Big Lebowski

The Big Lebowski is, in my opinion, the funniest movie ever made. Jeff Bridges stars as ‘The Dude’ who is sucked into a world of crime and oddity after some loan sharks mistake him for a rich man of the same name and urinate on his rug. Words cannot describe how fucking awesome and hilarious the plot of this movie is. Do yourself a huge favor and watch it right now.